


fragments

by nagare



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Pining, excessive symbolism and imagery and shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 21:08:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8342818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nagare/pseuds/nagare
Summary: Then, Leo kisses him. A light one, on the forehead— but it was a kiss.





	

 

Izumi doesn’t really believe in chivalry. It was irritating how self-righteous all those storybook knights were all determined to follow some code—the most important things should be their own self-preservation and the kingdom they protect. Honor—it was stupid, isn’t it? Do what you can to survive and protect what was beautiful. Isn’t that right?

A pause in the conversation—or rather, a pause in Izumi’s monologue, while Leo scribbles away in his notebook, seemingly deaf to Izumi’s frustration—anyways, a pause in the conversation is what makes Izumi say something he’d regret only moments later.

“Tell me. Kissing. Have you done that?”

Leo scribbles on for a couple seconds, humming a carefree tune, before he suddenly halts. He doesn’t really look surprised, despite the drastic shift in topic and the highly personal information he’d been asked to reveal. Tapping the marker to his chin thoughtfully, he responds, “Hmm….have I? Well, I can’t remember if I did or not.” Playfully glancing upwards at Izumi, he continues, “But you know, those guys from the heavens—they really can wipe memories. So that’s why I only have vague memories of seeing them~ So maybe I did! Maybe I didn’t. Doesn’t it sound so fuuun~? Sharing a kiss with an alien…. Wahaha!”  

Izumi figures he was dodging the question, but maybe it was for the better. He doesn’t really know why he wants to know in the first place. Probably because Leo is drifting off again, farther and farther away. So he wants just one more thing—just one more little trivia that only he knew—so that he could bring them closer again. But as always, Leo wouldn’t budge, content with the little bubble he lived in, always dreaming about drifting off into space. That was where he kept his private thoughts, never revealing them to anyone else. Not even Izumi, which was so unfair. Because who had stayed by him the longest? Who had let his heart’s walls be torn down so easily? It was Izumi, who laid himself bare in front of the one he called his king.

And Izumi, even today, struggled to rebuild those walls, as he felt some kind of aching, raw emotion build up in his chest, just at the sight of Leo. Was it jealousy? Guilt? Anger?

_I want to close the gap between us. Just as you reached out for me, I want to reach out for you._

But Izumi isn’t the kind of charismatic leader that Leo proved to be. The kind of genius that swept away the hearts of others and brought them into their own intricate world, full of grandiose fantasies and beautiful delusions. People like Leo were able to move hearts. Meanwhile, people admire Izumi—for his beauty, for his skill—those kinds of things. They don’t open their hearts to him.

_Why does no one tell me how they feel? Why does no one see how I feel?_

It plagued Izumi, everywhere he went. Everyone giving him knowing, pitying glances. Like they could see something he couldn’t see. What was it? What was he missing?

Even Leo, who had run away like a coward—even he came back and turned over a new leaf, while Izumi is still frantically trying to pick up the fragments of his old love, bits and pieces of the few beautiful memories he had.

It’s not fair, really. So he wants to punch Leo, a lot.

That tune Leo is humming—it’s probably what he’s planning for his next composition. It has the characteristic touch of his—but it sounds alien to Izumi’s ears. His music is different, lately.

It doesn’t sound like the same music that he wrote when it was just the two of them—the ones where Leo laughed while Izumi threw a tantrum, the ones that calmed Izumi’s heart down when he felt like the world was going to crush him.

It’s true that geniuses like Leo can’t be told what to do—he writes as he pleases. He writes about what’s important to him. The tune of his music has changed, so it follows that what’s important to him has changed since then. And lately, Leo seems _happy,_ even after being crushed. Even after his ill-timed return to Knights, and all the trouble he caused—he wants to retire, he says, but Izumi’s seen how at peace he is lately.

Izumi doesn’t like that.

Just like with Yuuki—it’s happening again. Someone’s leaving him—someone he thought he could suffer together with in this harsh world that he hated. If they felt bitter together, they could find solace in each other. But that broke down, twice. They left him behind for the promise of happiness—something that Izumi didn’t know how to find himself.

_Please, take me along with you._

He loved them, no, _loves_ them—both of them, in that he would love to see them happy, even at the cost of his own—but seeing them smile now, seeing Yuu-kun be so excited to be in Trickstar; seeing Leo be at peace, having fun messing around with the newbie—he hated it. He hated how he couldn’t be the reason they were smiling like that, actually. Jealousy consumed him—he was envious that Tsukasa, for all his shortcomings, was the one to pull Leo out of his funk.

Why couldn’t it have been him? Izumi, who had known Leo better than all the other unit members. Izumi, who was close enough to him that even Leo’s extremely shy sister relaxed her guard around him. Why is Izumi the one who was trapped in the past, the one who didn’t know how to make things right? The one without the drive to change how Leo felt—the one who was being left behind.

So just one thing—just one sign, that Leo wasn’t going to leave him for good—he is so desperate, so, so desperate that when Leo’s back is turned, his hand reaches out involuntarily, and—

Before he processes what was happening, he finds himself falling, pushed to the ground, Leo hovering over him with an unreadable expression on his face. His monstrous reflexes aside, it was scary—he looks very serious, entirely different from the Leader that had been yelling about UFOs and conspiracies, and making a mess of things. Under Leo’s piercing state, Izumi feels himself crumbling under the pressure, and closes his eyes. At heart, he is a coward, and cannot challenge his leader’s decisions. His resolve shatters, just like that—he could accept anything at this point. This is his punishment for being selfish, isn’t it? Just a cruel reminder from the world that he could never have what he wants.

It would have been more natural to push Leo away, or yell at him. But Izumi isn’t thinking about that, since he’s paralyzed by fear. Always gnawing at the back of his mind, the fear of change. Because change, to Izumi, meant losing someone.

Time seems to stand still, as they pass a couple seconds in silence.

Then, Leo kisses him. A light one, on the forehead— but it was a kiss.

A moment passes, and it feels like all but eternity.

His heart twists—an ugly, painful feeling. But it feels good, in a way. Because Izumi is drowning, and Leo had just thrown him an ethereal, tattered lifeline that might collapse at any second. But he threw him _something_. Maybe it’ll hurt more later, when he finds out that his hope was misguided—but it’s fine. He doesn’t think about that right now, because Leo _kissed_ him.

“Hm~ Sena, you’re not very fun to kiss, if you just lay there like a rock.”

And like that, he snaps back to reality, and the blood comes rushing to his face suddenly. With a sudden burst of strength, he shoves Leo off, and frantically backs away, covering his heated cheeks with his arm. “What the _hell_ was that,” he spits out, looking accusingly at Leo.

And just like clockwork, Leo’s already back to usual and laughing it off, completely ignoring everything Izumi says, saying something about the aliens possessing him for a second, before he lights up and mumbles some more nonsense.

“Ah, rejected by Sena! But how bittersweet this feels, a perfect mood for my next piece! Wahaha!”

Izumi wonders who was the one who really got rejected here. Leo’s raving on and on about the setting he wants his new composition to take place in—something about the evil pumpkin queen and the wizard of the enemy kingdom that ends up falling for her—but Izumi doesn’t feel very happy.

A kiss on the forehead… Was it really an invitation? Or was it out of pity? Unreadable as always, his king continues to compose his convoluted tale, oblivious to the worries of his most faithful warrior. But Izumi feels that this is a chance—it might be the only chance of his life, from here on. A final test from his king—one to prove his dedication and loyalty.

And with this glimmer of hope, it feels like he can slowly pick up the shards of their relationship back together—who knows if it’ll ever be like how it was back then. The ugly tape is holding together a bunch of shattered pieces of what used to be beautiful. Really, it’s a disgrace, a blemish of what they used to have, but Izumi will take anything. He’ll pick up everything again, slowly but surely, without missing a single speck of dust.

He’ll put his heart on the line, this time. No pulling any stops. It’s all or nothing, and he’s ready to be hurt.

Hot glue, staples, duct tape, everything—he’ll do anything to fix that fragile bond they once had. Even if the world continues to make fun of him and refuses to let him get his way—he won’t stop fighting for it.

Screw chivalry. He is a knight that would curse the rest of the world, as long as his liege called for it. When society crumbles, image and morals won’t matter. The bonds that tie you together and the things you hold dear will.

To his very last breath, he will not abandon the king that once loved him.

A marker drops to the ground, making a harsh clatter. Leo doesn’t retaliate this time. Izumi can’t read his expression. Is he relieved? Regretful? Guilty?

Even if the king loves another, even if the world came crashing down on them, at that very moment….

When their fingers intertwined, and their foreheads pressed against each other, it’s just the two of them in this world. Izumi doesn’t know if this is their final kiss, or if it’s the first of many. But as bittersweet as this moment may be, he will treasure it.

Even if this memory shattered into a hundred fragments, he would piece them back together again.

**Author's Note:**

> i think this is the first time i'll write a more personal end note—
> 
> i swear i really love izuleo!
> 
> realistically, i do think leo's heart is somewhere else at the moment, but izumi's dedication to leo really is....something. sorry for leaving it open-ended! i knwo it sounds like its going to end badly, but i really do think if anyone deserves a miracle, it's izumi. i won't write a sequel to this, so fill in the rest as you'd like! (sorry, this is the most irresponsible thing a writer can do... but responsibility isn't my thing.)
> 
> as for my writing, i tend to get inspiration in bursts, and i think i've burnt out after these two fics, so it might be a while before you see me again, if at all. i thought i'd leave a note here for people who still remember my earlier fics, at least.
> 
> a bad habit i have is to be really heavy on introspection and purple prose—im pretty piss poor at writing concrete actions, so everything i write is rather vague and convoluted. i don't mean to be self deprecating, but that's just how my writing is. for those of you who read it anyways (and read this ugly, overly personal end note), whether you enjoyed it or not—
> 
> thank you very much!


End file.
